


Zorgbeams and loneliness

by Lieju



Category: Spirou et Fantasio
Genre: Crack, Gen, zanta is a brony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8170481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieju/pseuds/Lieju
Summary: Fantasio gets kidnapped by Zantafio.





	

When Fantasio had spotted his villainous cousin it had already been too late and the mindcontrol-ray obviously stolen from Zorglub had hit the blond reporter.

 

And of course he hadn't had his nullifier with him.

Although to be fair he couldn't have been expected to know the quick trip to the corner shop to get some drain cleaner would turn into a mind control hostage situation.

 

Well, considering everything they had been through, maybe he should have.

 

Fantasio focused, trying to push through the electric buzz that filled his mind. No use, his mind remained trapped and as Zantafio directed him to walk up the stairs and follow him to what was apparently his hideout Fantasio had no choice but to watch his body obey.

 

He stood still middle of the small but exquisitely furnished living room, unable to as much as flinch when his darkhaired cousin stepped to him, grinning.

"Well, now, baby cousin, what should I do with you?"

 

Try as he might, all Fantasio managed to do was slowly blink as Zantafio pulled the sharp tool from somewhere in his pocket.

"I have wanted to do this for a _long_ time, baby cousin," he grinned, turning the sharp blades in his hand and Fantasio's blood ran cold as he realized what he was planning.

 

The sharp metal glinted as Zantafio reached to his victim.

 

In horror, Fantasio watched, trapped in his own body, as the scissors closed in on him.

And then, with a quick snap, first of the eight long hairs poking from his head was cut.

 

Seven snaps more, and Zantafio stepped back looking satisfied.

"I can't tell you how long I have wanted to do that! I swear, at least twice the only reason you and the bellhop managed to defeat me was because I got distracted by your stupid hairdo."

 

A small mirror was held up for the reporter, confirming what Fantasio had already known: his stylish strands of hair, all gone!

 

The villain looked smug and satisfied with his work. "See? _Much_ better. Although I guess you don't have to worry about style all that much. The perks of hanging around a bellboy-shaped fashion disaster, anything looks good when you're standing next to _that_. Even though you usually have at least passing taste. Although you tend to go for the cheap knockoff brands."

 

_Some of us have to actually buy our clothes with the meager salary of a reporter!_ Fantasio thought grumpily. Zantafio had a point though, and his classy suits had not gone unnoticed by the younger man.

 

"But your hairstyle?" Zantafio tsked. "Oh." A realization seemed to him him. "Is it because of your little receding-hairline-problem? Afraid to get rid of the few hairs you still have left?"

 

Suddenly Fantasio was very happy the effects of the ray kept his face expressionless. No need to let his  _dear_ cousin know just how close to truth that was...

 

"Well, at least you haven't tried a comb over... Have you thought of a mustache? A goatee maybe? Might look nice on you."

 

An evil grin spread on the villain's face.

"But never mind that. You didn't think I went though all this trouble just to play _Classy eye for the reporter guy_ with you? No, I have bigger plans. And you will have no choice but to play along."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Spirou was just starting to wonder just how long could it possibly take to get a bottle of drain cleaner, and if Fantasio had gotten himself kidnapped again just when he had agreed to help him clean the bathroom, when the phone rang.

 

"Spirou speaking."

 

"Hello," a familiar voice said.

 

"Fantasio?"

 

"I called to tell you I don't want to be your friend anymore. You poopyhead."

 

"Umh, what?"

 

Fantasio continued: "You think your bellhop uniform makes you look cool but it totally doesn't. And you smell. Bye."

 

"What about the drain cleaner? Did you get the-"

 

But he hung up.

 

Spirou stared at the phone. Kidnapped, obviously.

Either that or his attempts to avoid housework were becoming increasingly desperate.

 

* * *

 

 

Zantafio finished his recital and bowed. "So, what do you think of my poetry? Come on now, don't be shy, be honest. And when I mean be honest, I mean constructive criticism only, no flames."

 

What Fantasio would have wanted to tell him was: "They weren't even proper poems! They were just random words, that didn't even rhyme properly. Also that's not how you spell _or_ pronounce 'oesophagus'."

 

But since his body was still gripped by the mind control beam, all he could tell him was "It was... Those were certainly words that you used."

 

Zantafio seemed satisfied by his literary criticism and sat down on the sofa. "So, what should we do next? Oh, I have been really busy lately, so I should really catch up on my shows..."

 

* * *

 

 

Spirou kicked the door down, and jumped in. "Fantasio!?"

 

The two people sitting on the sofa turned to look at him.

Spirou frowned.

The other man being their archenemy heavily supported the whole 'Fantasio got kidnapped again' theory.

However, the fact that they were watching children's cartoons sort of made him wonder if this was all a ploy to make him forget about the state of their bathroom and the blond's promise to clean it.

 

"Fantasio?"

 

The reporter stumbled up. "Oh, Spirou. Wonderful, you're here to save me, from the horrible torture of-"

 

Spirou grossed his arms. "Watching cartoons about ponies?"

 

"No, it's all a psychological torture to remind me of his villainous victories in the past, to tear open the old almost healed wounds. Reminding me of how he defaced my favourite childhood toy when I was 5!"

 

"I only gave it a haircut!" Zantafio protested. "Wait, when exactly did the mind control wear oumph-"

 

He was interrupted by Fantasio throwing a sofa pillow at his face.

 

"This is for the Miss Rainribbon and her ruined mane!"

 

This all turned into a confused scuffle.

Fantasio pushed Zantafio who instinctively attempted to pull his hair but found himself foiled by his own scheme, and both Fantasio and Spirou piled on him, pushing him to the ground.

 

In Spirou's line of work you got very good at improvising and experimenting with various materials to incapacitate villains and so it didn't take long for Zantafio to be tied up in his curtains and some power cords.

 

Fantasio gave his rescuer a smile. "So, how did you know where I was?"

 

"Oh. I've put a tracking device on your bow tie a while ago. Also, nice hairdo. I always thought those random hairs poking in different directions were kinda silly."

 

Fantasio pointed at the villain. "So, I guess it would be best if we took him to the police."

 

The bellhop gave him a suspicious glare. "I know what you're thinking."

 

Fantasio tried to look innocent. "Hm?"

 

"That is bound to take a while, and when we get back home it's far too late to start cleaning!"

 

"We can't just leave him here bound! Once the police get here, he'll be gone!" Fantasio argued.

 

"As per usual, then," Spirou reminded him. "Come on, let's go. We can leave the TV on, so he has that pony-show he likes keeping him company."

 

"I enjoy it ironically!" Zantafio protested, but was ignored as Spirou dragged his friend away.

 

And in the end, their bathroom did get cleaned, but not particularly thoroughly since Fantasio had forgotten the bottle of drain cleaner at Zantafio's apartment and they could only find one of their scrubbing brushes.

 


End file.
